oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
