tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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