She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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