She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
