i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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