TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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