She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
