Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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