Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
