I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
