Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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