Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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