Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
