Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
