I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do vagina's smell?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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