not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize