You just made me feel so damn special
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
