There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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