i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
