It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
