where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
