My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize