The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize