You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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