grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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