Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
