wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
