yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
