after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
