The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
