It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
