Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
