4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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