She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
