I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
