they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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