yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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