Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
