I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
