Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
