if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
