If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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