I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
