Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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