Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
