Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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