Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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