I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize