if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
