She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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