TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
