I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
