pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
