I just made out with a guy for $7.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
