ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
