Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
