Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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