and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
