Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
