i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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