I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
