For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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