College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
