Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
