I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
