My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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