This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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