I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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