he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
