Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
