youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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