She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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