2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
