theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
