shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
