Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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