Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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