he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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