I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
