i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
