I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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