I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
