Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
