he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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