hotel room ftw
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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