I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
