in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
