Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
