I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
