Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
