on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize